Editor's Note
It is with profound gratitude that I reflect on Step One, admitting that I was powerless over food and the unmanageability of my life. For many of us sufferers, it is the hardest step. For years, I did not believe I had a problem. I thought my struggles were simply about eating too many carbs. Now, through the help of this program and my higher power, I see that I used food as any addict does to avoid uncomfortable feelings. My actions reflected this insanity. Denial was my constant companion…denial, bargaining, buying one more diet program, one more book, always refusing to consider that I might be the issue. My life was out of balance for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I found peace only when I was alone, often hiding in a bathroom with a book. Later, I used food in the same way, preferring to eat alone and hide from the world.
My dishonesty led me to believe that things outside of my Higher Power could solve the issue. I sought self-help books, fitness programs, diets, beauty treatments, and materialism, all in an attempt to make me whole. I told myself I’d get there someday, if only I could find the time, the consistency, the willpower. For thirty-five years, I remained in this mental loop, and time, joy, and a fruitful life passed me by as my life remained small. Eating in isolation with resentment, shame, and anger for company was my life.
Today, by taking that first step a year ago, I have seen the fruits of my Higher Power in my life. My HP has blessed me with awareness, growth, and fellowship. Honesty has replaced shame and fear in my life. I joyously ask my Higher Power to refine me, to help me live according to a greater plan and purpose. I pray to embody happiness in all aspects of my life, and to serve others as an example of spiritual living. Our program does work if you work it; I’m living proof. This is me smiling on the beach a few days ago, deeply grateful for the miracles this program has brought to my life. All I had to do was take that first step. If you are struggling with honesty, I encourage you to take that step to trust that hope and healing are possible and know that you are not alone on this journey.
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